Sunday, April 17, 2011

Isolation

            Like a lot of other days I was late to school. It wasn’t anything that surprised me or any of my teachers. Most mornings I could never make it on time and the same thing went for the class right after lunch. I always struggled when it came to keeping track of time even when there was a clock nearby and the fact that I not only wore a watch but owned a cell phone that I was almost always texting on. Sure, texting was almost majorly an American phenomenon since we’re a group of super socializers and always have to be talking to people we’re not currently with.
            For me the people I was texting were people that lived in other states that I’d never really met in person. I met all of them online and had never had the option of meeting in real life up until this point. Many of these people did seem to have lives away from their cell phones and the internet which was something I hadn’t seen for myself since I was a little kid. Many of my classmates had started to run away from me when I started discovering I had crushes on other girls. It seems so common that people run away from the things they don’t understand or that they don’t want to understand.
            Being a lesbian seems to have given me a huge reason not to look for real friends, friends that exist away from my cell phone or my computer. For the “friends” that didn’t have my phone number they were all on IM or in my email and I often rushed home to log in to both and catch up with everything. Some of these people were even in foreign countries so I wouldn’t be able to text them. I would really like to get something like a blackberry so I could check it all of the time but unfortunately the bill would be way too expensive. Some of the emails were also long which would be a pain to reply to on such a small keyboard.
            If the high school I attended would allow personal email on their computers or would allow students to access their wireless it would make my life a lot easier. I could take my computer with me to school and it would allow me to use all of the programs that were already installed. It would help me keep in touch with a lot more people at once with less to worry about despite the fact that my laptop was large and heavy. My teachers and other students knew me to be very isolated and that I didn’t talk to others much. Many of them had accepted this to be my way of being and that there was nothing they could do to change it. This I was thankful for. No matter what I will always be isolated.

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